The Blink Series
by Chibimono Akuno
Summary: Harry Potter is a man of duty, fighting in the War for his wife Ginny and Wizards everywhere... but all he really wants... is to love Draco Malfoy. Four songfics inspired by songs from Blink 182's self entitled album. Complete
1. All Of This

title: The Blink Series (1/4)  
author: Chibimono Akuno  
email: chibimono@msn.com  
category: angst, slash, het, romance, post-Hogwarts, war-fic  
spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP  
pairing: Harry/Ginny, Harry/ Draco  
rating: R   
warnings: mention of het smut, mention of slash smut, gaybashing!Ginny, self inflicted violence, cheating, broken marriage  
disclaimers: These characters are not mine. They belong to the wonderful goddess J.K. Rowling and all the other companies that own them. I bow before you and beg for your forgiveness of using these characters. I only wish to entertain, not make money.  
A/N: Written on a bad day to a song that emotionally wounds me every time I hear it. The song is from Blink 182's self titled album.  
  
  
All Of This  
by Chibimono Akuno  
//_lyrics by Blink 182_//  
  
  
//_With all of this I know now  
Everything inside of my head  
It all just goes to show how  
Nothing I know changes me at all  
Again I wait for this to change instead  
To tear the world in two  
Another night with her  
But I'm always wanting you_//  
  
  
Harry Potter sat in an alley as the rain poured down on him. It soaked through his clothes and into his skin. He wished with all his might that it would wash him clean, would wash the blood from his hands, the pain from his heart, and the guilt from his soul.  
  
But that would never be. He could wish for forever and a day, but it would never change a thing.  
  
Just like it would never change that he was in the middle of a war.  
  
Just like it would never change that he had married his best friend's sister.   
  
Just like it would never change that he was in love with his enemy.  
  
He sat in the rain and tried to think of a world where everything was different, but his imagination lacked the skills to take him away to where he wanted to be. He could only think about the warm bed that Draco Malfoy was tucked into. And yet his mind was always dragged back to the bed of Ginny Potter, the bed that he truly belonged in.  
  
Trudging listlessly through the summer storm, he made his way back to Grimmauld Place, back to his wife. He was glad for the rain as it fell. It made it harder for him to tell his tears from the raindrops streaming down his face.  
  
  
//_Use me Holly come on and use me  
We know where we go  
Use me Holly come on and use me  
We go where we know_//  
  
  
In a familiar place, he used his familiar smile to look upon his red-headed beauty. It was all fake, but no one really knew. It was easier to come home when he could just believe that it was saving lives. This was were he belonged, after all. With the good guys.  
  
Not in the embrace of a young man that kissed Harry until he cried. Not in the bed of a young man who made him feel whole while on the other side of the line. Not in the body of the young man who made him love and feel loved in return.  
  
He would run there if he could. Harry did not want to be here at all, here at home with the people who thought he was some kind of saviour. Unfortunately, this was the only home he had ever known, the only home where he was ever welcome.  
  
And through it all, Harry just wished that Ginny would never know. He laid her back upon the bed at night, kissed her ever so roughly and taking her just as hard, with the headboard slamming against the wall. She loved it. Just like she loved him. Just like she loved that he was the Boy Who Lived. Just like she loved that he would be the one to win the war. Just because she loved that he was wonderful... and rich... and famous... and Harry bloody James fucking Potter.  
  
Doesn't everyone love you, Harry? he asked himself...   
  
Just win the war and they will love you all, he smiled grimly to himself as he curled up on his side with his back to Ginny and tried not to cry for Draco in his sleep.  
  
  
//_With all of this I feel now  
Everything inside of my heart  
It all just seems to be how  
Nothing I feel pulls at me at all  
Again I wait for this to pull apart  
To break my time in two  
Another night with her  
But I'm always wanting you_//  
  
  
Weeks on the battle field. Weeks not home. Weeks without Ginny.  
  
Weeks in Draco's bed.  
  
Harry knew every morning he woke up to run to a battle, that he would eventually not return here to the bed of silk sheets and the nibble body of Draco Malfoy. Eventually not return because he still had Ginny... Eventually not return because he was dead.   
  
Maybe that was the best way to go, Harry thought some days. Having both was really impossible. Draco was so patient, but it would not take much for Ginny to ever learn the truth. He wanted to stay with Draco to the point that it made him numb to everything else a part from the pain of just wanting him. And yet, he had to go home, to his duties as a hero and as a husband.  
  
Tipsy and hurting so miserably, he sat in the rain-drenched alley, waiting to return home without everyone knowing he was a bastard. Gods, his clothes smelled like men's cologne, spilled champagne, and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour lubricated sex. Harry made sure he returned home in the rain, because Merlin knows that smell could not be hidden.  
  
And as Ginny towel-dried his haphazard raven hair from the wetness of the stormy night, she kissed Harry's neck, and Harry nearly cried as he remembered Draco kissing him just like that before leaving him.  
  
  
//_She's all I need  
She's all I dream  
She's all I'm always wanting  
She's all I need  
She's all I dream  
She's all I'm always wanting you_//  
  
  
Why the marriage, Harry? he would ask himself. Why the sham?  
  
Because he wanted to be what his parents had been. Normal. He wanted to be what people wanted him to be. The hero, who was normal. He wanted to be what Ginny wanted him to be. A normal husband. That was what he wanted, he was sure of it.  
  
Yet... he always wanted Draco... more than anything...  
  
  
~ to be continued ~  



	2. Stockholm Syndrome

title: The Blink Series (2/4)  
author: Chibimono Akuno  
email: chibimono@msn.com  
category: angst, slash, het, romance, post-Hogwarts, war-fic  
spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP  
pairing: Harry/Ginny, Harry/ Draco  
rating: hard R   
warnings: mention of het smut, mention of slash smut, gaybashing!Ginny, self inflicted violence, cheating, broken marriage  
disclaimers: These characters are not mine. They belong to the wonderful goddess J.K. Rowling and all the other companies that own them. I bow before you and beg for your forgiveness of using these characters. I only wish to entertain, not make money.  
A/N: Still wounded emotionally... now putting salt on it so it tastes better as I lick it clean. The song is from Blink 182's self titled album.  
  
  
Stockholm Syndrome  
by Chibimono Akuno  
//_lyrics by Blink 182_//  
  
  
//_This is the first  
(thing I remember)  
Now it's the last  
(thing left on my mind)  
Afraid of the dark  
(do you hear me whisper)  
An empty heart  
(replaced with paranoia)  
Where do we go  
(life's temporary)  
After we're gone  
(like new years resolutions)  
Why is this hard  
(do you recognize me)  
I know I'm wrong  
(but I can't help believing)_//  
  
  
Tripping and falling into the depths of despair, into the bedroom he had known for years, tears spilling from Harry's face.   
  
Death. Death. Death.  
  
Harry could not for the life of him remember how many people had died on the battlefield that day. He did not want to remember. So many people died... so many... and Harry felt like he was drowning in the blood of the dead.  
  
He fell into the arms of his wife, and the pretty red-head tried to soothe his pain. She ran her hands through his wet, raven hair and whispered gentle words. He cried against her shoulder, his body trembling in her arms.  
  
He cried... wishing he could go home... Home to Draco...  
  
Nothing was right, nothing was the same. Harry could not even recognise himself in the mirror. Darkness sat under his dull green eyes and his face was incredibly pale. What would Draco think if he saw him now? When was the last time he saw Draco? How was Draco? Harry wanted nothing more than to run to the blonde young man.  
  
How did he land here, wishing he was where he did not belong and belonging where he did not wish to be? In his heart, it truly felt like a fate worse than death.  
  
He wanted to believe that things would get better. But he knew that was impossible. They were only going to get worse.  
  
  
//_I'm so lost  
I'm barely here  
I wish I could explain myself  
But words escape me  
It's too late  
To save me  
You're too late  
You're too late_//  
  
  
The dreams were very bad that night. Harry screamed and sobbed in his sleep the whole night. The only name that fell from his dreaming tongue was that of Draco. Ginny sat beside him the whole night, holding him and listening. Listening to him beg, whimper, tremble, sob, and call for Draco.  
  
She stared at Harry when he woke up the next morning. He looked miserable and... lost.   
  
"Isn't Draco Malfoy our enemy?" she asked.  
  
The sleep was gone from his eyes the instant the name fell from her lips. There was something tight and painful in his chest. He knew his face said everything. It always did. And he could not say anything to her.  
  
It would never be the same.   
  
He had shattered the dream and now it was lost.   
  
  
//_You're cold with disappointment  
While I'm drowning in the next room  
The last contagious victim of this plague between us  
I'm sick with apprehension  
I'm crippled from exhaustion  
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me_//  
  
  
She screamed. Her words stung him like a thousand bees. He hung his head and cried. She left him behind on the cold bed, slamming the door as she went.   
  
He lay there in a bed of his own making. Drifting between the feeling of relief that comes when a heavy burden was finally lifted from his shoulders and the feeling of being emotionally torn apart, Harry could believe this was for the best.   
  
She was like a sister to him. Granted, a sister that he had banged into the mattress repeatedly, but a sister in his heart none the less. Yet, the image he had in his mind of growing old and having a family and children were nothing but crumbles of plans scattered all over the floor and lost in the dusty corners. She knew the truth now, and she hated him.   
  
He wanted to be where his heart belonged. And it did not belong here. It did not belong with her.   
  
She hated him. She hated him for the pretend world he gave her. She hated him for loving his enemy. Hated him for loving someone else. Hated him because his heart never belonged to her in the first place.  
  
Harry closed his eyes to it all. The pain and the anger. He just wanted to see Draco. He wanted to run to that quite little flat in London where the blonde was waiting ever so patiently for him show up.  
  
But he didn't leave the bed. He was sick to his stomach for days... just waiting for Ginny to finally walk back into the room.  
  
  
~ to be continued ~  



	3. Here's Your Letter

title: The Blink Series (3/4)  
author: Chibimono Akuno  
email: chibimono@msn.com  
category: angst, slash, het, romance, post-Hogwarts, war-fic  
spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP  
pairing: Harry/Ginny, Harry/ Draco  
rating: hard R   
warnings: mention of het smut, mention of slash smut, gaybashing!Ginny, self inflicted violence, cheating, broken marriage  
disclaimers: These characters are not mine. They belong to the wonderful goddess J.K. Rowling and all the other companies that own them. I bow before you and beg for your forgiveness of using these characters. I only wish to entertain, not make money.  
A/N: Let me bleed once more to cleanse the wound before I let it heal. This song is from Blink 182's self titled album.  
  
  
Here's Your Letter  
by Chibimono Akuno  
//_lyrics by Blink 182_//  
  
  
//_Cut the skin to the bone  
Fall asleep all alone  
Hear your voice in the dark  
Lose myself in your eyes  
Choke my voice  
Say goodnight as the world falls apart  
Fuck I can't let this kill me  
Let go  
I need some more time to fix this_//  
  
  
Remus found Harry with a bloody wound across his scar. It looked like the young man had tried to scrape the scar off his forehead. Not a pretty sight. He was doctored and bundled into bed. Everyone chalked it up to stress from the war.  
  
No one noticed the way Harry cringed and almost visibly shrunk away when Ginny entered the same room he was in. No one noticed the infinitely dark marks underneath his eyes. No one noticed that he was the only one in his bed at night. Harry had always been away so much, they were actually beginning to forget that Ginny was still married to Harry. No one noticed the ring that had gone missing from Ginny's finger as she climbed into their beds.  
  
One night, in a drunken stupor, Ginny had stumbled into Harry's room. She asked for a fuck, or if it was even possible for a gay bastard of a husband to even get it up for his castaway wife.   
  
Harry could not find his voice as his heart died in his chest. Ginny had always been a good friend, a sister to him. The hatred was breaking him.  
  
She said goodnight with a few crude words and floundered out of the room. Harry wandered into his bathroom and scraped away at his scare with the blades of a dulled pair of scissors.   
  
  
//_Here's a letter for you  
But the words get confused  
And the conversation dies  
Apologize for the past  
Talk some shit take it back  
Are we cursed to this life_//  
  
  
"Just wait until the end of the war, and you can have it all," Harry whispered, his throat hoarse from screaming on the battlefield all day.  
  
"I can't have what I want, you fruit!" Ginny screamed. "I want you, but you are fucking that evil ponce preening over on the other side!"  
  
"He's not evil!" Harry's voice was raised. "He's not even fighting!"  
  
"He still has the Dark Mark!"   
  
"He'd rather die than follow Voldemort again! He loves me! He would never hurt me!"  
  
"He's just waiting for the right time to turn you in to his master, Harry! And how do you know what love is, Harry! I love you! Look what you have done to me!"  
  
"What, Ginny?! I made you a whore?! You did that to yourself!"  
  
"I'm doing it because you don't love me! I'm finding love where I can get it, you pillowbiting son of a bitch!"  
  
"LOVE?! That's not love, Ginny! That's just a rough fuck with whoever will put out!"  
  
"No, Harry. You are the only one who ever fucked rough," Ginny hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
Harry wanted to say that he was sorry, but she was gone before the words could form on his tongue.   
  
  
//_Fuck I can't let this kill me  
Let go  
I need some more time to fix this problem  
I need some more time to fix this problem  
I need some more time to fix this_//  
  
  
Scrape scrape bleed. It did not help, Harry found out. Hurting himself did not ease the pain from hurting Ginny. It did not help anything.   
  
He was out on the battlefield and he found himself wanting to kill Death Eaters more than once. Killing made him just as bad as Voldemort, he forced himself to remember.   
  
He just needed the end. The end of the war. The end of what was between he and Ginny. The end of his own life. Just one of them. Either of them. All of them. Anything. It was too much. I did not know if he could handle it anymore. He just did not know what to do.  
  
  
//_I'm talking to the ceiling  
My life just lost all meaning  
Do one thing for me tonight  
I'm dying in this silence  
The last star left in heaven  
Is falling down to earth and  
Do you still feel the same way  
Do you still feel the same way_//  
  
  
Lost in between dreams, Harry drifted in and out of a world that was both peaceful and nightmarish. He dreamed that he was not real and nothing mattered and Draco never knew him and Ginny has always hated him. He woke up wanting Draco, only to find out he woke up in another dream.  
  
Waking. Dreaming. Nightmare. Reality. It was all the same now. Nothing made sense. Battlefield. Bed. Fight. Argue. When would he die?  
  
In the cold night, Harry wandered into a room where Ginny slept in an empty bed.  
  
"If you still love me," he whispered as he touched her red hair, "when this war is over, let me go. Let's stop hurting each other. Just let me go and let the hurting stop."  
  
On the morning that the last star fell from the cold night and Voldemort lay dead in the rubble, Ginny let him go.  
  
  
~ to be continued ~  



	4. I'm Lost Without You

title: The Blink Series (4/4)  
author: Chibimono Akuno  
email: chibimono@msn.com  
category: angst, slash, het, romance, post-Hogwarts, war-fic  
spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP  
pairing: Harry/Ginny, Harry/ Draco  
rating: hard R   
warnings: mention of het smut, mention of slash smut, gaybashing!Ginny, self inflicted violence, cheating, broken marriage  
disclaimers: These characters are not mine. They belong to the wonderful goddess J.K. Rowling and all the other companies that own them. I bow before you and beg for your forgiveness of using these characters. I only wish to entertain, not make money.  
A/N: Bittersweet ending to a pain that is still deep. May they find a cure to the heartache and live happily ever after. The song is from Blink 182's self titled album.  
  
  
I'm Lost Without You  
by Chibimono Akuno  
//_lyrics by Blink 182_//  
  
  
//_I swear that I can go on forever again  
Please let me know that my one bad day will end  
I will go down as your lover, your friend  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin_//  
  
  
The flat was dark and quiet. The only sound he could hear was that of his own breath as he stared out the window at the cloudy night sky. He was lonely and sad, knowing that somewhere the person who loved him was doing what had to be done for a peaceful world to settle.  
  
He wondered where this sudden patience had come from, and it could really only be chalked up to the fact that he was in love. He was really in love. He had probably been in love since first they met, but really... he did not want to dwell on that at the moment. He just wanted to skip over the years of animosity to remember the dawning of the new beginning they shared.   
  
Maybe it was love all along, he thought as he could not remember what it was that drove him to let Potter slip out of the trap his aunt had set. Somehow, it just did not seem right to kill Potter as he watched the other young man sit in the cell, waiting for his execution.   
  
So vulnerable and wasted. Potter had aged nicely into a handsome man, yet the war was obviously taking its toll on him. Thin, shabby, weary... lost and helpless... That was not the Potter he had remembered from Hogwarts. Looking through the bars, he watched Potter turn defeated green eyes upon him...   
  
Food, water, and a warm blanket.  
  
"What are you doing, Malfoy?"  
  
"Just take it and be grateful."  
  
He visited Potter everyday with food and water. He began to talk to him, letting him know what happened on the outside. When Potter asked if he was afraid that he would find himself in trouble, a shrug was his only reply.  
  
Potter obviously began to look forward to the visits. The dungeons of Malfoy Manor were a lonely and dark place. Knowing this, he kept returning to see the Gryffindor. He was a prisoner in his own house, after all; he had the mark, but no Malfoy heir would be allowed to risk death on the battlefield and a possible end of a long line of Purebloods. No, he just had the pleasure of watching his father torture innocent Muggles and help dispose of the bodies... He hated it... He was terrified of being here...  
  
For weeks, Potter occupied the dungeons, there was no way for Voldemort to travel to Malfoy Manor without arousing suspicion or exposing himself. But when word finally came that he would indeed arrive soon...  
  
Draco could not stand it.  
  
Potter was unbound and sneaked out of the dungeons. Desperation and preservation drove Draco to work with incredible skill and cunning. Within two days, he managed to get Potter out on a street in Muggle London. He got Potter out to freedom.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Go! Leave now before I change my mind!"  
  
"Why?" pleaded green eyes... they suddenly held so much hope.  
  
"I don't know! Just get out of here before they find us both!"  
  
"I need to know... Why?"  
  
"You don't need to know anything!"  
  
"If you want to get away... I can help you. Just like you helped me."  
  
"Go."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I want you to live. It's not fair to be stuck in this life."  
  
When Potter pulled Draco into an embrace, it was the stress, he told himself, that made him cry, because they were both crying. And it was still the stress that found them with their lips together, kissing like the world was falling apart around them.  
  
  
//_Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am  
I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am  
I'm lost without you_//  
  
  
Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts were quickly transferred into Muggle money, and Draco hid in a hotel as Harry tried to secure things through an illegally acquired Muggle alias. Very soon, a simple flat was procured and spartanly furnished. Draco would never have to return to Malfoy Manor.  
  
Harry helped Draco settle in, showing him how Muggle things worked, how to buy food, and how he could keep himself entertained.   
  
Nothing more happened between them... until Harry said that he needed to return home. Draco did not know how to keep Harry, but he did not want to be alone. He had been so alone at Malfoy Manor, and now... he was in a place that he hardly knew anything about. Everything was so terrifying... and Harry was going to leave him to his fears.  
  
"Harry," he whispered, "I'm all alone again if you leave."  
  
"I will be back," Harry smiled, his hand resting on the door knob.  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"How will I know... know for sure?"  
  
"You always came back to me. I promise I will come back to you."  
  
"To me?"  
  
"To you..."  
  
"Harry..."  
  
Their lips found each other's once again in a bittersweet kiss. Harry's hand moved from the door knob to Draco's baby fine hair. Draco's hands were all over Harry, touching, making sure that he was real. That this was not fake. That he was away from the terror and away from the fear and away from the loneliness that had settled so heavily in his heart. And Draco was lost in his emotions, lost in the reality of all around him, lost in the kiss.   
  
They laid together on the floor, kissing and touching, bodies writing together. He was not sure how it happened or why, but they were both naked and sprawled out on the floor before the door...  
  
Harry made love to Draco. There was just no other way to explain it. It was like heaven the way Harry touched him and kissed him, sucked at his skin and raked him gently with his fingernails. They did not know what they were doing, only that they were doing what felt good... what felt right. When Harry slipped inside of Draco, tears spilled from grey eyes...  
  
"Harry..."  
  
"Draco..."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"I promise I will come back to you."  
  
"I... I'm lost without you..."  
  
"I lo... I love you."  
  
Draco cried as Harry walked out the door.  
  
  
//_I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you  
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming  
And if you will  
Keep me from waking to believe this_//  
  
  
Days came and went. Harry came when he could. He stayed for as long as he could. They made love from the moment he step through the door till the moment he had to leave again. Lying around in the afterglow, they whispered of pasts and futures, of dreams and nightmares. They were sorry they ever hated each other. They were happy to have the time they had now, no matter how short it was.  
  
And Draco sat, looking out of his window every evening, waiting for Harry to show up. After several wonderful weeks of actually having Harry come home to him, he found he was a bit spoiled.   
  
After two months of no Harry, Draco cried at his window and slept with the shades open to see the moonlight and the coming morning. Three months went by... and four...  
  
His thoughts turned bitter one night, his eyes staring out at the glow of dawn slowly glowing into life. Perhaps Potter had returned to his wife, perhaps he was returning to the world that should have been. The thoughts left a feeling of loss that hurt down in the pit of his stomach. He cried until his head ached and he let himself drift...  
  
Drifting in a dream, he heard keys rattle in the lock, imagining the door creaked open and shut. Footsteps echoed in his mind as they came down the hall. In a haze of tears, he watched movement before the open shades. A lithe body stood there in tattered clothes, shoulders slumped in exhaustion, tears mixing with mud and blood to streak a handsome face as green eyes glowed with something akin to love. Draco reached out a hand lazily, wanting to touch the wild, raven hair he loved so very much, but knowing that if he did, the dream would all crumble away.  
  
When the figure moved forward, taking his hand and holding it, tears spilled from Draco's eyes.  
  
"I'm home," came the hoarse voice that Draco still knew so well, regardless of its state.  
  
"Are you really?"  
  
"Yeah, home."  
  
"For how long, do you think?"  
  
"I'm home, my cherished."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"For good."  
  
Still covered in dirt, mud, dust, and filth, but Draco did not care as he pulled Harry into their bed. They cried and kissed and touched, loosing themselves in each other.  
  
  
~ the end ~  
  
  
  
///////////////////////////////////  
  
I want to thank my beta, Anna Malfoy, and all my friends and fangirls (fanboys, too). Your loving words of feed back keep me going. Thank you.  



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